Difference between Meaning and Truth
Difference between psychotic and neurotic
Not all corruptions of the English language are bad Says Jinx.
No wonder the English language is so very difficult to learn:
>Medical Terminology >(for the layman) > >Artery - The study of fine paintings >Barium - What you do when CPR fails >Cesarean Section - A district in Rome >Colic - A sheepdog >Congenital - Friendly >Dilate - To live longer >Fester - Quicker >G.I. Series - baseball game sbetween teams of soldiers >Grippe - A suitcase >Hangnail - A coat hook >Medical Staff - A doctor's cane >Minor Operation - Coal mining >Morbid - A higher offer >Nitrate - Lower than the day rate >Node - Was aware of >Organic - Church musician >Outpatient - A person who has fainted >Post-operative - A letter carrier >Protein - In favor of young people >Secretion - Hiding anything >Serology - Study of English knighthood >Tablet - A small table >Tumor - An extra pair >Urine - The opposite of you're out >Varicose vein - Veins which are very close together >Benign - What you are after you be eight
Hillbilly Rim's Medical Dictionary
Benign.................What you be after you be eight.
Bacteria...............Back door to cafeteria.
Barium.................What you do with dead folks.
Cesarean Section.......A neighborhood in Rome.
Catscan...........Searching for the cat.
Cauterize...........Made eye contact with her.
Colic................A sheep dog.
Coma...............A punctuation mark.
D&C................Where Washington is.
Dilate.............To live longer than your kids do.
Fester............Quicker than someone else.
Fibula............A small lie.
G.I.Series.........World Series of military baseball.
Hangnail...........What you hang your coat on.
Labor Pain..........Getting hurt at work.
Morbid..............A higher offer than I bid.
Nitrates............Cheaper than day rates.
Medical Staff.......A Doctor's cane, sometimes shown with a snake.
Node...........I knew it.
Outpatient..............A person who has fainted.
Pap Smear................A fatherhood test.
Pelvis...................Second cousin to Elvis.
Post Operative...........A letter carrier.
Recovery Room....Place to do upholstery.
Tablet..........A small table to change babies on.
Seizure..........Roman emperor who lived in the Ceasarean Section.
Terminal Illness....Getting sick at the train station.
Tumor...............More than one.
Urine...............Opposite of mine.
If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
The ability of the human mind to recognize mis-spelled words is a good example of the current division between software and wetware. +
Diplomacy is the art of letting someone else get your way. +
A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries. +
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.
Consciousness: That annoying
time between naps.
Impotence: Nature's way of saying "No hard feelings,"
There is no egg in eggplant or ham in hamburger, neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
English muffins were not invented in England or french fries in France. S
weetmeats are candies, while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.
boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write, but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce, and hammers don't ham?
If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So, one moose, 2 meese? One index, two indices? Is cheese the plural of choose?
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? Park on driveways and drive on parkways?
How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? How can the weather be hot as hell one day an cold as hell another?
When a house burns up, it burns down. You fill in a form by filling it out and an alarm clock goes off by going on.
When the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.
And why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up this essay, I end it?
Now I know why I flunked my English. It's not my fault; the silly language doesn't quite know whether it's coming or going.
I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate
The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
A thief fell and broke his leg in wet cement. He became a hardened criminal.
Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged with stalking.
We'll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply.
When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L.A.
The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.
The dead batteries were given out free of charge.
If you take a laptop computer for a run you could jog your memory.
A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.
A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.
A will is a dead giveaway.
A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.
If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.
Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A-flat miner.
When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.
You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
Local Area Network in Australia: The LAN down under.
He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
A calendar's days are numbered.
A lot of money is tainted: 'Taint yours, and 'taint mine.
A boiled egg is hard to beat.
He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine
When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye
Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.
Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
Acupuncture: a jab well done.
Freedom: to starve? or to follow only ones own teachings? To believe ourselves free while following societies programming? To feed ourselves by exterminating species?
Con Artist: A necessary avocation, following a moral obligation to separate fools from their money so that they will not influence the society in stupid ways.
Government: The con artist that must appear to cull the stupid from the population it governs. "A population of sheep must begat a government of wolves". A group of lucky lazy people that may choose to cultivate the stupid sheep because they are easier to manage.
Spirituality: Belief or admission that something supernatural may exist and have an effect on our lives. A belief system that allows one to feel as if others aren't as smart as they think without having to prove it.
Prayer: A mantra or power of positive thinking (to self), cognitive therapy (to others), Writing / Public Speaking to increase ones ego.
God: Anything more powerful than the individual. E.g. Any group of people, Gaia, a bear, etc...
Worship: Showing respect for God. Admitting one is less powerful than a God. Kissing ass. Also placing responsibility on God and not ourselves.
Church: A gathering of like-minded people; organized, which leads to power... which leads to corruption.
Religion: An organized, codified, recorded, inflexible, perpetuated system of beliefs and actions offering an excuse to avoid self-discovery. +
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