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'[OT] Hiring jewels'
2005\10\27@180233 by Mike Hord

picon face
>From under my "Job Hunt Advice thread"...

> Yup, sounds about right (except I use a recycle bin,
> and I may pass some of
> the really bad ones around for a good laugh).

>So I'm not the only evil hiring manager out there?!  >:-D

> I remember once when I got to the bottom of the pile, my sides were hurting
> from too much laughing (that particular position was in CS). I save the best
> parts into a file called hiring_jewels, perhaps I will even publish it
> someday. :-)))

Anyone care to share any of these sorts of things?  Or
does that breach confidentiality?  I don't know if there is
any such thing as applicant/potential employer confidentiality,
though...

Mike H.

2005\10\27@183142 by Vitaliy

flavicon
face
Hi Mike,

> Anyone care to share any of these sorts of things?  Or
> does that breach confidentiality?  I don't know if there is
> any such thing as applicant/potential employer confidentiality,
> though...

As long as the stuff is not identifiable, I don't see any harm.

Disclaimer: to be honest, I've only started collecting the jewels recently,
and I haven't been doing it consistently. Also, a lot of times you have to
understand the context to get the humor. But here we go...

"I have passed experience..."

"I work well with anything microsoft"

"My experience includes over five years of administration in the fields of
Internet Sales and Health Care atmosphere." (...don't forget the Earth's
atmosphere :-))

"Affective with Microsoft products and most software or Internet based
programs."

"OBJECTIVE To become more successful and learn to even more friendly."

"I would also handle all of the cash transactions beings though we were a
traveling group."

"Resume
------
self starter, pleasant voice, solid work ethic, friendly personality,
respectful attitude, honest with integrity, money motivated, driven to be
the best, articulate and dependable" (<--- that's the entire resume, right
there)

"* Required use of stereomicroscope, fine needles, and packing reels, mixing
_carcinogenic_ [emphasis added] chemicals and using different types of
safety equipment.
* Pack capacitors into airtight, moisture and static free tape-like shipping
materials." (... and then putting them in box-like shipping containers :-)

"My mane is [censored], and I'm back in the work force looking for a ideal
job.fast learner quick on feet,also knows basic maintaince.I'm also looking
for a busy bar where I can show my talents."

:-)

- Vitaliy

2005\10\27@184904 by David Van Horn

picon face
> "OBJECTIVE To become more successful and learn to even more friendly."

And to be more tolerant of these idiots who surround me and spy on me
through telephoto lenses..  

:)




2005\10\27@185635 by Padu

picon face

I've been lurking this (job hunting) thread and it's been very instructive
so far, but now this. If you start sending these jewels every day, you will
seriously compete with my daily dilbert e-mails. 8^)

<snip>
>
> "I have passed experience..."
>
<snip>

I can sense the author of such pearl is Brazilian? Beind one myself, I can
easily identify those types of mistakes, since I make the exact type of
mistakes (but not on my resume, of course).


Cheers

Padu

2005\10\27@190953 by Jinx

face picon face
> And to be more tolerant of these idiots who surround me and
> spy on me through telephoto lenses..

Hey, click click click, who are you calling, click click, an idiot click
click click

2005\10\27@193405 by Vitaliy

flavicon
face
> I've been lurking this (job hunting) thread and it's been very instructive
> so far, but now this. If you start sending these jewels every day, you
> will seriously compete with my daily dilbert e-mails. 8^)

I assure you that Dilbert has nothing to be afraid of, we don't do this sort
of thing very often - maybe once every couple of months. :-)

> <snip>
>>
>> "I have passed experience..."
>>
> <snip>
>
> I can sense the author of such pearl is Brazilian? Beind one myself, I can
> easily identify those types of mistakes, since I make the exact type of
> mistakes (but not on my resume, of course).

Most of the applicants have typical American names, and the average
immigrant seems to be neither better nor worse at spelling than the average
American. This particular sort of error is actually more typical of native
speakers - phonetically, "passed" and "past" are identical. The words "to",
"too", and "two" all sound different only to foreigners. :-)

By the way, English is not my first language (in case it isn't obvious ;-).

Best regards,

Vitaliy

2005\10\27@194345 by James Newtons Massmind

face picon face
www.offshore-environment.com/takebreak.html

Includes gems such as:

"I worked as a Corporate Lesion." I've met a few of those...

"Objective: To have my skills and ethics challenged on a daily basis." Must
be for a government job...

"Graduated in the top 66% of my class." I just love that one... Once you
work your way down past half, isn't that the bottom part? I'd hire this guy
if I was looking for a speech writer.

Which reminds me of that commercial I've been hearing where the drug is said
to lower your cholesterol by up to 52%... Then they go on to explain "that's
about half!"  So you know the average IQ of their audience recently took
another dive...

At one time I ran a medium small customer support desk. I had around 10 to
20 people on the phones and our product sucked. Lots of customers screaming
at us. I used to tell my people it was great for a resume... "Able to listen
to customers screaming and cursing for hours without increase in blood
pressure"

If you see that one on a resume, it might be one of the poor sods who worked
with me.

---
James.



> {Original Message removed}

2005\10\27@200155 by Marcel Duchamp

picon face
James Newtons Massmind wrote:
 > "Graduated in the top 66% of my class." I just love that one... Once you
> work your way down past half, isn't that the bottom part? I'd hire this guy
> if I was looking for a speech writer.
>
> Which reminds me of that commercial I've been hearing where the drug is said
> to lower your cholesterol by up to 52%... Then they go on to explain "that's
> about half!"  So you know the average IQ of their audience recently took
> another dive...
>

Well, you see, James, that fully half the people in America are below
average intelligence...

2005\10\27@201154 by Spehro Pefhany

picon face
At 05:04 PM 10/27/2005 -0700, you wrote:
>James Newtons Massmind wrote:
>  > "Graduated in the top 66% of my class." I just love that one... Once you
>>work your way down past half, isn't that the bottom part? I'd hire this guy
>>if I was looking for a speech writer.
>>Which reminds me of that commercial I've been hearing where the drug is said
>>to lower your cholesterol by up to 52%... Then they go on to explain "that's
>>about half!"  So you know the average IQ of their audience recently took
>>another dive...
>
>Well, you see, James, that fully half the people in America are below
>average intelligence...

Below median, anyway. The distribution is probably not exactly normal.

>Best regards,

Spehro Pefhany --"it's the network..."            "The Journey is the reward"
spam_OUTspeffTakeThisOuTspaminterlog.com             Info for manufacturers: http://www.trexon.com
Embedded software/hardware/analog  Info for designers:  http://www.speff.com
->> Inexpensive test equipment & parts http://search.ebay.com/_W0QQsassZspeff


2005\10\27@204000 by David Van Horn

picon face
> Below median, anyway. The distribution is probably not exactly normal.

Definitely not in this neck of the woods.
Of course my brother in law, a varmint hunting trapping kind of guy,
actually is named William Robert..




2005\10\27@211238 by Spehro Pefhany

picon face
At 07:46 PM 10/27/2005 -0500, you wrote:
> > Below median, anyway. The distribution is probably not exactly normal.
>
>Definitely not in this neck of the woods.
>Of course my brother in law, a varmint hunting trapping kind of guy,
>actually is named William Robert..

Here's a possible xmas present for him:

www.getbubbateeth.com/item.jhtml?UCIDs=472263%7C472685&PRID=63261
www.getbubbateeth.com/item.jhtml?UCIDs=472263%7C472685&PRID=63262
http://www.getbubbateeth.com/generic.html?pid=6

Another arcane cultural reference. I once made the mistake of using the
term "Pythonesque" to someone else of similar background to myself, but
within earshot of someone with very little background in common. Hard to
translate that accurately to someone who spent the relevant 10 years of
history on a pig farm in the countryside during the cultural revolution
learning to show proper respect towards the peasantry.

>Best regards,

Spehro Pefhany --"it's the network..."            "The Journey is the reward"
.....speffKILLspamspam@spam@interlog.com             Info for manufacturers: http://www.trexon.com
Embedded software/hardware/analog  Info for designers:  http://www.speff.com
->> Inexpensive test equipment & parts http://search.ebay.com/_W0QQsassZspeff


2005\10\28@083613 by Mike Hord

picon face
> Anyone care to share any of these sorts of things?  Or
> does that breach confidentiality?  I don't know if there is
> any such thing as applicant/potential employer confidentiality,
> though...

To my own inquiry-

I was on a hiring committee recently, and one of our
candidates listed on his resume:
"Self-appointed security officer after 9/11"

!  Kind of scary.

Mike H.

2005\10\28@094821 by David Van Horn

picon face
> To my own inquiry-
>
> I was on a hiring committee recently, and one of our
> candidates listed on his resume:
> "Self-appointed security officer after 9/11"
>
> !  Kind of scary.

Very.



2005\10\28@105059 by Juan Cubillo

flavicon
face
> Anyone care to share any of these sorts of things?  Or
> does that breach confidentiality?  I don't know if there is
> any such thing as applicant/potential employer confidentiality,
> though...

Once, my uncle showed me a resume he received from a guy looking for a job
as a bus driver
The document was titled:
CORRICOLO (how hard is it to write correctly curriculum?!?!?!)
some lines below...
EDUCATION:
Primary school: Completed ()
Secondary school: Uncompleted
Other Education:
Several administration courses: Uncompleted
MS office: Uncompleted
and the list went on and on...
Previous Experience: 3 years as an assistant in a bakery. (WTF??? Is he
going to bake muffins inside the bus?)

When I ended reading his resume I had two options: to laugh for a while or
to feel sorry for this guy.
I laughed for a while...
..
Then I felt sorry for th poor guy...
..
Well, not really...

Juan Cubillo






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