Searching \ for '[OT] An honest resume' in subject line. ()
Make payments with PayPal - it's fast, free and secure! Help us get a faster server
FAQ page: www.piclist.com/techref/index.htm?key=honest+resume
Search entire site for: 'An honest resume'.

Exact match. Not showing close matches.
PICList Thread
'[OT] An honest resume'
2002\11\11@051034 by cdb

flavicon
face
Hints for an honest job application. This was on an Oz jobs newsgroup.

From: "OzBass" <spam_OUTozbassREMOVE_PANTS_TO_REPLYTakeThisOuTspamhotmail.com>> Subject: Fat ugly slob, 43, seeks work in Perth
Date: Wednesday, September 18, 2002 5:42 AM

O.K., I'm being straight-up honest; here's my no-bullshit resumé.

My name's Mal.

I'm currently self-employed as a professional musician but am looking for
other ways to make an income and keep off the dole (the live music scene's
not looking good at the moment).

I'm 43, overweight, not of neat appearance, and have no formal
qualifications, but I have previous experience in a bunch of jobs that
include:

   Finance Clerk (Accounts Receivable, Accounts Payable, reconciliation of
ledgers),

   Stores Clerk (all aspects of stores procurement, maintenance and issue).

   Process worker

   Materials handler.

By the way, I really HATED all these jobs mentioned above and, although I
performed my duties conscientiously, I'd really like not to have to do
anything similar again for a few life-times at least.

I have good knowledge of computers (I know, I know; so does your average 8
year old nowadays) in several areas including spreadsheets, word processing,
graphics and audio and have done my time on a help-desk.

Since 1995 I have been self-employed in the areas of Public Address hire and
operation, as a music teacher (Guitar and Bass Guitar) and as an entertainer
(Guitar, Bass Guitar and Vocalist).

I have my car and unlimited motorcycle license.

I have reliable transport and a mobile phone.

I learn new tasks fairly quickly.

I have no ambitions to work a 72 hour week and die of hypertension before I
reach 55. Unless the money's REAL good!

Although I have a good telephone manner and am polite and well spoken, I'm
lousy at anything which requires excessive tact or kow-towing to the general
public (I guess what I mean is that I refuse to be abused unreasonably).

I have good communications skills both written and spoken. And I spel gud
two.

I have a knowledge of basic electronics, especially as it applies in the
area of audio and musical equipment and soldering and basic trouble-shooting
skills.

I am educated to Year 12 (I started University but chucked it in to get a
job after 3 months).

I'm seeking work (preferably somewhat legal) for 3-4 or more days a week. I
would prefer somewhat flexible working hours.  Although I would like
something south of the river near Rockingham/Kwinana, I am happy to travel
away and even re-locate for the right position.

I've been around and am not gonna faint at the mention of drugs or sight of
naked women or any "unusual" aspects of the job (I'm NOT trying for a job as
a drug dealer, by the way). I will do just about anything that doesn't
require public nudity (not a pretty sight!). I will work odd hours (assuming
appropriate remuneration).

I'm honest, reliable, and intelligent

Oh, ifd it means anything, I'm a non-drinker and non-smoker (of ANY
substances) but NOT a wowser.

This is not a joke but it may possibly be the most honest resumé you'll ever
see.

Mal

If your interested, or know somebody who might be, please email:
-- cdb,
.....bodgy1KILLspamspam@spam@optusnet.com.au on 11/11/2002

--
http://www.piclist.com#nomail Going offline? Don't AutoReply us!
email listservspamKILLspammitvma.mit.edu with SET PICList DIGEST in the body


2002\11\11@082335 by Roman Black

flavicon
face
cdb wrote:
>
> Hints for an honest job application. This was on an Oz jobs
> newsgroup.
>
> From: "OzBass" <.....ozbassREMOVE_PANTS_TO_REPLYKILLspamspam.....hotmail.com>> > Subject: Fat ugly slob, 43, seeks work in Perth


Ha ha! I had an Artist friend who really didn't
want to work, and had a sure-fire way of wrecking
the compulsory job interviews that the employment
agency sent him to...

Here is his 4-point plan for wrecking a job
interview;

1. have a few beers before interview
2. bare feet (the deal clincher!)
3. swear a lot
4. be REALLY enthusiastic about how much you
  want the job

Apparently it worked really well, they always
sent him away with a "nice guy who really wants to
work but not quite suitable for this position"
note so he could keep getting benefits. He got
turned down for even the lowliest labouring jobs
and is still not working... For some reason. <grin>

Personally I wouldn't work for someone again unless
they offer me lots of power and flexibility, very
few hours, and an absolute shitload of money. :o)
-Roman

--
http://www.piclist.com#nomail Going offline? Don't AutoReply us!
email EraseMElistservspam_OUTspamTakeThisOuTmitvma.mit.edu with SET PICList DIGEST in the body


2002\11\11@083615 by Jinx

face picon face
> Personally I wouldn't work for someone again unless
> they offer me lots of power and flexibility, very
> few hours, and an absolute shitload of money. :o)
> -Roman

You're hired.

1) Power and flexibility - 240V available, mostly through
    extension cords
2) Very few hours - clock's broken
3) Shitload of money - the pay stinks

See you bright and early at.....er, anyone got the time ?

--
http://www.piclist.com#nomail Going offline? Don't AutoReply us!
email listservspamspam_OUTmitvma.mit.edu with SET PICList DIGEST in the body


2002\11\11@142252 by Peter L. Peres

picon face
On Tue, 12 Nov 2002, Jinx wrote:

*>1) Power and flexibility - 240V available, mostly through
*>     extension cords
*>2) Very few hours - clock's broken
*>3) Shitload of money - the pay stinks

LOL! esp #3.

Peter

--
http://www.piclist.com#nomail Going offline? Don't AutoReply us!
email @spam@listservKILLspamspammitvma.mit.edu with SET PICList DIGEST in the body


2002\11\11@194428 by Jonathan Johnson

flavicon
face
I've gotta keep that handy for next time I need to advertise for
someone....LOL

<still laffin>

> {Original Message removed}

2002\11\11@232623 by Scott Stephens

picon face
From: "cdb" <KILLspambodgy1KILLspamspamOPTUSNET.COM.AU>
Subject: Re: [OT] An honest resume

That's the problem from the get-go. If you don't lie, your employer's got
nothin on you, to make you keep yer moulth shut in case you discover where
they buried they're bodies.

Make up some cheap lie, about your last job as St. Michael, or forge a phd
from MIT, so they know yer just as krooked and stupid as they are. And don't
bitch about the graves ya gotta dig.

Scott

--
http://www.piclist.com#nomail Going offline? Don't AutoReply us!
email RemoveMElistservTakeThisOuTspammitvma.mit.edu with SET PICList DIGEST in the body


2002\11\12@035639 by PicDude

flavicon
face
Y'know, all these "honest resume" posts reminds me of a major drug dealer
looking for a job after getting out of jail.  He served his time, so put his
drug activities quite blatently on his resume, as it was his best
experience -- managed many, many people, ran a manufacturing facility,
sales, etc, etc.

--
http://www.piclist.com hint: To leave the PICList
spamBeGonepiclist-unsubscribe-requestspamBeGonespammitvma.mit.edu


More... (looser matching)
- Last day of these posts
- In 2002 , 2003 only
- Today
- New search...