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'[OT:] TRYING TO TRAIN A CAT'
2004\05\10@094609 by Roberts II, Charles K.

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My wife and I have a 2 cat's. One was hers before we got together and
the other was adopted from my brother due to his grandkids health
problems.

The wife's cat is sort of young and I tried to teach it to walk on a
leash. It was a fruitless endeavor, the remarks about impossible things
being like trying to heard cats is true. It just flopped around and
almost choked it's self. Cats are so independent by nature they are near
impossible to train or completely domesticate. I would get a dog, they
are easy to train and can do everything a cat can and more. Dogs can
scare away thieves and salesman, Cats just poo in a box and wreck your
house.
  Charles K Roberts II

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2004\05\10@101707 by hael Rigby-Jones

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>-----Original Message-----
>From: Roberts II, Charles K. [.....robertsckKILLspamspam@spam@ORNL.GOV]
>"Dogs can scare away thieves and salesman, Cats just poo in a box and wreck
your house."

A classic quote, made my day!

Cat's have their uses, catching rodents and scaring dogs* being the main
ones I can think of right now.

* Our 9 year old staffordshire/alsation cross mutt won't go anywhere near
our two cats after a few incidents involving one the cat attaching itself to
the dogs head in a way remeniscent of the "face hugging" monster in Alien.

Regards

Mike




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2004\05\10@102836 by D. Jay Newman

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> impossible to train or completely domesticate. I would get a dog, they
> are easy to train and can do everything a cat can and more. Dogs can
> scare away thieves and salesman, Cats just poo in a box and wreck your
> house.

I'll admit that I'm a dog person. However, I've always wondered what
a cat would think of my robots. My current dog just runs away (I wonder
what our late Sheltie would have thought -- she looked harmless, but she
was fierce when she thought she had to be).
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2004\05\10@111911 by John Ferrell

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I am a dog person.
However I have met a few cats that I have found very clever and willing to
do stupid things to entertain me. I believe that under the right
circumstances their behavior is negotiable. Other than the tragic accident,
Sigfried & Roy seem to get along great with Big Cats, why should smaller
ones be so different?

I expect it is a lot like the circumstances I have with my two largish dogs:
Don't fail to respect them if you expect the same from them, and don't lose
sight of the fact that they are dogs (cats) and darn proud of it!

You know you have an honest relationship with an animal when you seem to
understand each other without vocalization by either party.

John Ferrell
http://DixieNC.US

{Original Message removed}

2004\05\10@113548 by Alexander Rice

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On Mon, 10 May 2004 10:26:53 -0400, D. Jay Newman <@spam@jayKILLspamspamSPRUCEGROVE.COM>
wrote:

>> impossible to train or completely domesticate. I would get a dog, they
>> are easy to train and can do everything a cat can and more. Dogs can
>> scare away thieves and salesman, Cats just poo in a box and wreck your
>> house.

 Actually that is not true, you just have to have the right approach and a
lot of patience - cat's are about as intelligent as the average dog
(dumber than an collie, smarter than a yap dog), i have trained all my
cats to come when called by name (one of them actually runs!) and do
stupid stuff like jump up, stay and sit. Cats do vary between individuals
and between breeds, and if you are going to train them to do anything you
have to start when they are pretty young - 6 months or so. Generally cats
respond to food rewards, one of my cat's absolutely adores marmite (don't
let's get started on that again!) so a little bit on my finger was all it
took, it may take a week or two to teach them new behaveour but once
learned they don't seem to forget it easily. I have never tried to put any
of my cats on a leash, on one occasion when i was at my grandparents house
i did tie a bit of string around one of the cat's collars to stop him
getting lost and wander around the garden, but all my cat's hate cars and
would go completley berzerk if i tried that around town - if you want
somehting to go on walks with you by all means get a dog. None of our
cat's 'wreck' the house, however some tom cats can be inclined to scent
mark stuff (aka piss on the furniture) and bear in mind that if you get a
female cat that you can't spay them until after the first time they go on
heat, so expect to have a bonkers cat for a week.

Alex

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2004\05\10@113959 by Alexander Rice

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On Mon, 10 May 2004 11:20:13 -0400, John Ferrell
<RemoveMEjohnferrellTakeThisOuTspamEARTHLINK.NET> wrote:

John wrote:


> Don't fail to respect them if you expect the same from them, and don't
> lose
> sight of the fact that they are dogs (cats) and darn proud of it!

"In ancient Egypt cats were worhipped as gods, to this day they have not
forgotten it"

Alex

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2004\05\10@115045 by rixy04

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Ever try to train a bird like this?
www.vvalley.com/valleymemories/little_one.htm
Rick

John Ferrell wrote:

{Quote hidden}

> {Original Message removed}

2004\05\10@120257 by Shawn Wilton

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Actually, you can spay before they go in to heat and most vets will
actually recommend that you do.  It should actually be cheaper to get an
animal spayed before entering heat, than an animal that has already done so.


Shawn Wilton
Junior in CpE
MicroBiologist

Phone: (503) 881-2707
Email: TakeThisOuTshawnEraseMEspamspam_OUTblack9.net

http://black9.net


Alexander Rice wrote:
{Quote hidden}

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2004\05\10@120711 by Alan B. Pearce

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My cat has me well trained. The evil eye it gives me until I feed it is
enough to put one off doing anything else.

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2004\05\10@121751 by David VanHorn

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For the unbelievers: http://www.petplace.com/Articles/artShow.asp?artID=4001

I've trained two like this.

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2004\05\10@122125 by Ward, David

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Take a look at http://www.cattales.org/training.html
and www.judysworld.net/kittens/links/cattraining.html
and groups.yahoo.com/group/Cat-Clicker/

Our party trick is that we trained Charley, one our cats, to sit on command
(food treats were required at the start)  Interestingly our other Cat soon
caught on and she now sit's on command too,  we didn't teach her she copied
Charley

Dave


{Original Message removed}

2004\05\10@123204 by Mike Hawkshaw

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----- Original Message -----
From: "Roberts II, Charles K." <RemoveMErobertsckTakeThisOuTspamspamORNL.GOV>
To: <EraseMEPICLISTspamspamspamBeGoneMITVMA.MIT.EDU>
Sent: Monday, May 10, 2004 2:46 PM
Subject: [OT:] TRYING TO TRAIN A CAT

I couldn't resist diging this out. I can't think why the PM thread didn't
make me recall it, but hey ho. It's got little to do with training a cat,
but is very very funny I believe.
Enjoy.
All the best....Mike.

{Quote hidden}

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2004\05\10@124000 by Alan B. Pearce

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>I couldn't resist diging this out. I can't think why the PM thread didn't
>make me recall it, but hey ho. It's got little to do with training a cat,
>but is very very funny I believe.
>Enjoy.
>All the best....Mike.
>
>> > The second guy is a genius
>> >
>>
>> -------------------------------------------------------------------------
-
>> -------------------------------
>> >
>> > > An American magazine held a competition, inviting its readers to
>> > > submit new scientific theories on ANY subject.
>> > >
>> > > Below is the winner:



And then there is this item which a colleague sent me a while back.

**********************************


HOW TO MEDICATE YOUR CAT OR DOG



CAT:



1) Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding
a
baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth
and
gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat

opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.



2) Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left

arm and repeat process.



3) Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.



4) Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear
paws
tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth
with
right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.



5) Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call
spouse from garden.



6) Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and
rear
paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly
with
one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and

vigorously rub cat's throat.



7) Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make
a
note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered
figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.



8) Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just
visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force
mouth
open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.



9) Check label to make sure pill is not harmful to humans, drink 1 beer
to
take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood
from
carpet with cold water and soap.



10) Retrieve cat from neighbour's shed. Get another pill. Open another
beer. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head
showing.
Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic

band.



11) Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges.
Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold
compress
to cheek and check records for date of your last tetanus jab. Apply
whiskey
compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw tee-shirt
away and fetch new one from bedroom.



12) Ring fire brigade to retrieve the friggin' cat from tree across the
road. Apologise to neighbour who crashed into fence while swerving to
avoid
cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.



13) Tie the little b******'s front paws to rear paws with garden twine
and
bind tightly to leg of dining room table, find heavy duty pruning gloves

from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak.
Be
rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 litres of water down
throat
to wash pill down.



14) Consume remainder of Scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the
emergency
room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes
pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order
new
table.



15) Arrange for RSPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and ring local pet

shop to see if they have any hamsters.






DOG:



1) Wrap pill in bacon, cheese or peanut butter.



2) Make him beg.

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2004\05\10@131400 by David VanHorn

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>
>13) Tie the little b******'s front paws to rear paws with garden twine
>and bind tightly to leg of dining room table, find heavy duty pruning gloves
>from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak.
>Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 litres of water down
>throat to wash pill down.


Five cats.
New cat owner.
Very small bathroom, with inward opening door.
Can of "flea spray".

Did you know that five cats total 100 claws?

Why do they make flea spray for cats, anyway?

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2004\05\10@131404 by David VanHorn

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>
>> Therefore it is in the interests not only of public safety but also
>> public sanity if the buttered toast on cats idea is scrapped, to be
>> replaced by a monorail powered by cats smeared with chicken tikka
>> masala floating above a rail made from white shag pile carpet


DONT try this. I'm pretty sure it's what causes gamma ray bursters, when the centripital force exceeds the atomic bond strength.

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2004\05\10@134617 by D. Jay Newman

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> Did you know that five cats total 100 claws?
>
> Why do they make flea spray for cats, anyway?

Because trying to get a cat into a vat of flea dip is even worse?  :)
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2004\05\10@135236 by David VanHorn

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At 01:45 PM 5/10/2004 -0400, D. Jay Newman wrote:

>> Did you know that five cats total 100 claws?
>>
>> Why do they make flea spray for cats, anyway?
>
>Because trying to get a cat into a vat of flea dip is even worse?  :)


Flea sheets for the dryer might work, low heat, gentle cycle, with a reinforced and bolted door.


After the wounds from that incident healed, I used a liquid product which was a much better experience for all concerned.

Putting collars on them for the first time was a ROTFLMAO experience though!

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2004\05\10@143600 by D. Jay Newman

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> Putting collars on them for the first time was a ROTFLMAO experience though!

Actually collaring and leashing a puppy for the first time can be an
experience also.
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2004\05\10@155619 by M. Adam Davis

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Actually the practical problem of this energy source was found to be
two-fold:
1) Cats are unable to maintain cohesion as high rates of spin
Somehow (Don't ask...) they overcame that problem only to find that
2) The red shift inherent in near-light speed velocity reduced the
effectiveness of the chicken tikka masala.  The subsequent imbalance of
force threw the balance of the whole assembly off.  Most of the test
stand was still attached to the floor.  They aren't sure what happened
to the remainder of the assembly.

I have no idea how they kept the cat from eating the chicken tikka
masala (since many cats will ignore balance and gravity until they have
the food in their mouth).

-Adam

David VanHorn wrote:

{Quote hidden}

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2004\05\11@142152 by James Newton, Host

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I live in SoCal, with 7 (that is seven) cats some of whom regularly wander
in and out. We have NO fleas and don't use any flea spray, collars,
"Advantage" or any of that stuff. The secret?

A) Carpet and cloth are the problem. Hardwood floors if you can afford it,
and couch covers (washed once in a while). But if you are stuck with carpet,
just do this: Buy the special fine salt used for french fries at fast food
places and sprinkle it into the carpet liberally then work it in. I have a
vacuum cleaner that you can run the beater bar with the actual suction
disconnected and that makes it (a little) easier. It's a pain, but you do
that once, and the flea cycle will break.

B) Kill the fleas on the cats once. We used flea combs and dilute hair
conditioner, but flea dip, spray, etc... Will work in extreme cases. With
the salt in the carpet and a few changes of sheets, furniture covers, etc...
The fleas are gone and will not return. With a flea comb, most of the cats
actually don't mind it much.

No extra or ongoing care is required (other than changing the bed sheets,
etc.. as you normally would).

My wife figured that out, and I'm very proud of her. And we have free eggs
without any smell of chicken poop, free vegetables without any weeding, and
hope to soon have free fish (as in to eat) without fishing. If I can ever
find a way to keep them quiet enough, we will have free milk as well.

http://www.massmind.org/other/homes

---
James.



> {Original Message removed}

2004\05\11@151009 by Mike Hord

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Tape on the desired surface is generally a good way to rapidly
train a cat to stay off of it.

Our cat learned quite quickly that the top of the fishtank was
NEVER a good place for kitty paws.

And if you think training cats is tricky, try ferrets sometime.
At least a smart as cats or dogs, but with far shorter attention
spans!

Mike H.

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2004\05\11@151631 by D. Jay Newman

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> Tape on the desired surface is generally a good way to rapidly
> train a cat to stay off of it.

Put a mousetrap, upside down, inside a strong paper bag, on whatever
surface you want to keep the animal away from.

The cat/dog bumps the bag, there is a loud noise and movement (the strong
paper bag not only protects the animal, but amplifies the noise), and
hopefully the animal remembers not to do that again.

Of course, us PICLISTers can probably come up with a better version
(say, 8 random sounds and a slightly variable time delay to keep the
victim guessing...).  :)
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2004\05\11@163918 by rixy04

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What is a Cat?

1) Cats do what they want.
2) They rarely listen to you.
3) They're totally unpredictable.
4) They whine when they are not happy.
5) When you want to play, they want to be alone.
6) When you want to be alone, they want to play.
7) They expect you to cater to their every whim.
8) They're moody.
9) They leave hair everywhere.
10) They drive you nuts and cost an arm and a leg.

Conclusion: They're tiny little women in fur coats.

=============================================================

What is a Dog?

1) Dogs lie around all day, sprawled on the most comfortable piece of furniture in the
house.
2) They can hear a package of food opening half a block away,
but don't hear you when you're in the same room.
3) They can look dumb and lovable all at the same time.
4) They growl when they are not happy.
5) When you want to play, they want to play.
6) When you want to be alone, they want to play.
7) They are great at begging.
8) They will love you forever if you rub their tummies.
9) They leave their toys everywhere.
10) They do disgusting things with their mouths and then try to give you a kiss.

Conclusion: They're tiny little men in fur coats.....

==========================================
How to give your cat a pill

1)  Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as holding a baby.
Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply
pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth pop pill into
mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2)  Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and
repeat process.

3)  Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

4)  Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly
with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger.
Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

5)  Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from
garden.

6)  Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws.
Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold cat's head firmly with one hand
while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat
vigorously.

7)  Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foilwrap. Make note to buy
new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from
hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

8)  Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from
below armpit.  Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and
blow down drinking straw.

9)  Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink glass of water to take
taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold
water and soap.

10)  Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill.  Place cat in cupboard and
close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick
pill down throat with elastic band.

11)  Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges.

Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Throw
Tee-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

12)  Ring fire brigade to retrieve cat from tree across the road. Apologize to
neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from
foil-wrap.

13)  Tie cat's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of
dining table, find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed
by large piece of  fillet steak. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down
throat to wash pill down.

14)  Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches
fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye.  Call furniture shop on
way home to order new table.

15)  Arrange for SPCA to collect cat and ring local pet shop to see if they have any
hamsters.
_________________________________________________________________________

How to give a dog a pill:
1)  Wrap it in bacon.





Mike Hord wrote:

{Quote hidden}

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2004\05\11@170247 by Wouter van Ooijen

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> How to give your cat a pill
>
> Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's
> mouth and gently apply
> pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat
> opens mouth pop pill into
> mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

I don't want to spoil any of the fun, but if you realy want to get it
right the first time: after opening the mouth (above instructions are
correct at this point) insert the pill *and push it behind the tongue*.
Now close the cat's mouth, and stroke its troath (downwards) untill you
see the cat swallow. Done.

optionally (but works great for my cats): praise the cat.

Wouter van Ooijen

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2004\05\11@172126 by David VanHorn

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If you made the train tracks out of washing machines, top loaders with the lids open, and attached a sufficient number of cats to the bottom of the train, it should then hover, like a maglev.

It's pretty near impossible to get a cat in a washing machine.

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2004\05\11@194005 by Alexander Rice

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On Tue, 11 May 2004 16:21:42 -0500, David VanHorn <spamBeGonedvanhorn@spam@spamspam_OUTCEDAR.NET>
wrote:

> If you made the train tracks out of washing machines, top loaders with
> the lids open, and attached a sufficient number of cats to the bottom of
> the train, it should then hover, like a maglev.
>
> It's pretty near impossible to get a cat in a washing machine.

And you know this? By experiment?

Alex

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2004\05\11@195557 by David VanHorn

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At 12:38 AM 5/12/2004 +0100, Alexander Rice wrote:

>On Tue, 11 May 2004 16:21:42 -0500, David VanHorn <TakeThisOuTdvanhornspamspamCEDAR.NET>
>wrote:
>
>>If you made the train tracks out of washing machines, top loaders with
>>the lids open, and attached a sufficient number of cats to the bottom of
>>the train, it should then hover, like a maglev.
>>
>>It's pretty near impossible to get a cat in a washing machine.
>
>And you know this? By experiment?

I've seen the experiment.

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2004\05\11@202551 by Jake Anderson

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we found a slightly more effictive method, and one that can be used outside
too
the neighbours had a paticularly dumb cat that used to like fishing in our
pond

we put an electric fence around it

2 wires +ve and -ve and ground also hooked up.

it was moving up on our fish and put its face on both wires. never saw a cat
move so fast.
thing is it then stalked up on the pond 3 more times with the same reaction

after the third time it bolted off to the back of our yard and sat there
looking rather indignant.

see all it takes is a $20 electric fence controller and your set.



{Original Message removed}

2004\05\12@171437 by Peter L. Peres

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> It's pretty near impossible to get a cat in a washing machine.

How do you know ? ;-)

Peter

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